flirting...

Flirting is one of the many things I don't understand.... I don't even realize when I do it. I will be texting my friend and he mentioned that I was and I guess I'm just pretty clueless...which is sort of a bummer for me. If I can't understand anything about love, then why should I be able to have it. Not like I wouldn't like being in love, I just don't really know how I'm suppose to feel. Or how to act. And suppose I do have a crush or two, what then? I'm to shy, that I won't put any effort into telling them how I feel. Not unless they told me first. But I doubt anyone would, what could anyone possibly love about me....I'm short and naive, clueless and klutzy... nothings nice about me. Not that anyone else could really see the real me, it hasn't been discovered yet. No one has put in the effort to try, and why would they want to. I'm just a quiet, shy, little misfit. I don't belong in this world for me to fall in love, or meant for someone special. I must have a different purpose on this earth, than for me to just breathe. I wonder where I belong, and if I can ever be loved like I read about in stories... I wouldn't mind trying, but it takes two people to play the game...

A.zombie.grl

it's funny

It's funny how I can tell a random stranger how I feel, but I can't to you..... Like how you do something that makes me feel sad, or worthless. Or telling a random person that I have feelings for someone I can never tell.... It's really weird... Why can't I tell you how I feel and I can tell someone else...I'm tired of keeping it in... tired of being quiet, I hate this feeling it leaves me in my chest.....

A.zombie.grl

feelings change...

You made my head spin and heart trob,

my love for you became a blob.

My feelings start to fad, I wish you could have stayed....

another day....

But life goes on and feelings change,

out in the open range.

My broken heart goes on beating,

and the pattern keeps repeating,

and then my love for you has finally changed.

Holding on to past and heart breaks,

makes me see the time I've waste.

In my heart is empty space,

then a new began to race...

A.zombie.grl

Here comes the holidays...

Discussing the holidays is always very sad in my family, its not a very pleasant topic anymore.... We used to love the holidays; seeing all the family come together, all the warmth of love we get. I always used to love the holidays but not that much anymore...I lost too much family, that is really hard to deal with to. I lost my Grandmother when I was five and then more and more people close to me have died as well, I've become emotionless... it's been really hard on me, and no one around me think its taking an effect on me... but there wrong. It's been really hard on me as well, It's just a shield I've put up, my strength that I need. My own mother thought that I was emotionless; because I've never cried at a funeral and I've known the one who has passed away... maybe the reason I don't cry is because I don't want them to see my weakness or feel sorry for me....

A.zombie.grl

tears...

I don't think I have ever cried this much in a while, No one makes me cry like this. So then how did you? You broke my heart without you ever obtaining it. I shed these tears because I don't know you, and I will never get the chance to. Why do I fall for boys who are taken already. Its not fair! Why do I have to feel like this when you have no clue at all. That's because I've kept it a secret. I never before told someone I liked them, but why do I want to tell you that? When I know nothing about you? You stole my first kiss, and my heart in three days. I know I tell people how do they know they love them after only three days. But now I'm in that position. And I hate it. Because you're never going to see me for me. Never understand me the way I wish you would. Hold me when I'm cold to keep me warm, the way you said you would. You will never know me the way you should. The only thing on your mind is the distance we are apart. You're on one side of the earth and me the other. Why can't you be willing to put that aside and fall for me too. I'll try to be where you are, I would try for you. Why can't you for me? But I guess if I'm not there your heart wonders and it no longer belongs to me. That's why I shed these tears.....hoping you change your mind....and love me too.

A.zombie.grl

Prince Charming...

I think its interesting how you watch or read a great love story, then you're all happy for them. But then what? What if you don't have anyone like that? I love romance stories, but after it's over I just think. Boy, isn't she lucky, to have a guy like that. When will I ever find someone like that? Will I ever? Or Will I always be alone...? I don't want to be alone...please, my prince charming find me soon.

A.zombie.grl

Torn Between...

I'm torn between two great guys....

1. That I nearly know....

2. One that I have just met recently...

They both have amazing personality, as far as i have seen. Both very kind to me. But I am very confused!? I don't want to be between them..... I only want to love one.... but I am young and naive, so I don't know what its like. To be in so called Love. Love, I have been told that it is a wonderful thing. But that I am not sure of, since I have never come to know it. Love, a thing they can't live without. But I am still lost.... and very confused...

How will I know if I love him, once I find this man I seek...?

I was so confused, but happy when I first met him. He is Henry. I met him on one sunny, sunny day in the summer. He was as kind to me as no other men has been. He first introduced himself, then we began talking to each other. The next time I was to see him, was at a dance for the summer program. I had kept my eye on him, every time he was in my vision sight. I was shocked as to see, that he was headed my way! Henry asked me to dance! My first time I ever slow danced....was with Henry. I was even more shocked that I said yes! I don't know why I did though. I've never said yes to anyone before. I was very surprised in myself...!

Then when I finally got Henry out of my head, I met Justin. Justin was a person I met at random, but I loved how he didn't judge me on that. Since that is what I fear the most, is being judged by people who don't know me. Or even give me the light of day and try. Every time I spend time with Justin, he has always been so kind. He's always so sweet, and generous, the way a real gentlemen should. When I'm alone with Justin I'm always so nervous around him. I feel like a child. I don't get why I'm always so nervous with him, since Justin is my good friend. And I know I would never want to lose a friend, so I would not try for something more.

Who do you think is the one who holds my heart without knowing it....? I would not know myself. Since I have mentioned before, I am clueless.... naive.....and don't know what love is....

A.zombie.grl